Playing Free
By Masaaki Tajima, Certified National Level Coach
(For USATT)
I see players who can play above their level when playing
against higher rated players but below their level when up against a lower
rated player, as an example, they can play at 2000 level but in
matches, down to 1700. I am sure you been there or seen it often. It’s hard to
overcome this behavior because it’s not as simple as telling them stop thinking
about ratings or winning and losing, relax, stop being so tight and just play
or explaining logically and rationally even to intelligent educated adults,
because the fear of losing is innate in all of us. It’s difficult to overcome because
competition defines clearly winners and losers and appears to define ones worthiness.
As an example, when I play matches with my students, they
often play above their usual level because they know I am not a threat to their
sense of self-esteem so they are freer
about their shot selection. Their behavior is similar when they play other
higher- level players because they see it as a challenge and an opportunity
rather than a threat.
Higher-level player on the other hand, often play to
survive, not giving full effort thinking that if they tried hard and lost, the
loss to their ego is greater. By not giving full effort, they can always
convince themselves they lost because they didn’t really try, believing that
this lessened the impact of the loss. The tragedy of this behavior is that they
increase the possibility of losing. They behave this way to protect their sense
of image, ego and self-esteem, being defensive; they are playing not to lose
instead of playing to win.
It is difficult to overcome this fear of losing because we
are, a complex mix of inherited behaviors, chemical, social and environmental
factors that makes us who and what we are. In our society, we learn that our
sense of self-worth depends largely on our ability to win. To win is to be
successful, competent and be worthy persons, to lose is failure, incompetent
and unworthy. This threat of unworthiness is the fundamental reason for the
fear, whether self-imposed or by other factors.
The solution is to remove this threat, that is, to become
self-aware, have clear and accurate assessment of our behaviors, to discover who
and what we are. This discovery gives us awareness in that we are all worthy
persons regardless of talent level and that in the end, winning doesn’t equate
to success. Successful players define themselves not by the win factor, level
of rating or ranking but in how they
play. In whatever sport, they became successful because they found
self-worth and identity not in the results, but in what they do and how they do
it; “the journey, not the destination”.
I often query my overly anxious, nervous and fearful
students, “you can’t play the way you want because you see your opponent as a
threat while I see my opponents as a partner who is there to help me play.” An
example of this is, players who tries to end the point, not technically because
it was the right shot to take, but emotionally, they don’t want the ball to
come back because that means they have to “win” the point again, often making
more errors than winners. When I see this, I ask them “ why do you want to end
the point? Did you not come so you can play?” The philosophy is, you want the ball
to come back so you can continue to play, executing the correct shot that
excites you. By killing the ball, the game, match, the play is over.
The philosophy here is ultimately, players should want to
experience the excitement and the thrill of making the shot, not necessarily to
win the shot, to experience that feeling of playing free.
Who We Are
We all want the sport to become mainstream, attain marquee
status because it satisfies our innate desire for fame, recognition and
self-worth. But these desires is also
detrimental if you don’t have the right approach on why you play. Attaining self-awareness, define the reasons,
in order, why you play, gives you this direction.
If you believe you have high level of talent, realistic
expectations, high sense of self-esteem, peerless agility and dexterity, no
mental or emotional hang-ups, no vicarious parents or peer pressure that can
distract you from your path, with no worries about how you can earn a living
and why you chose this sport and unconcerned where it is headed, find the
biggest club and the best practice partner money can buy and hire him/her as
trainer/practice partner and you will do well. But this is not reality, here or
even for the rest of the world.
To play free, we need to become self-aware as to who and
what we are, strengths, weaknesses, limitations and setting the stage for an
environment of personal as well as athletic growth because the two are
inseparably related. Success in sports is not merely attaining wealth or
recognition, winning by defeat of others and the sense of ascension, or
achievement never thought possible, but identity that gives us real confidence
and completeness.
Too many are fixated on self-image, of winning, rankings,
titles and recognition, doing whatever to win, believing this is the answer to
their sense of self-worth that in the end, is self-defeating. The key to
athletic or any other success, is building the whole person regardless of their
talent level that leads to real sense of self-worth and confidence. We play or
do what we do because unconsciously, we are all looking for this sense of
identity, acceptance, being connected that justifies or have meaning for our
existence.
Philosophical Approach
There are plenty of tools available today, books with
photos, videos and the Internet and coaches and trainers here and abroad to
show you the techniques of how to become a good player. Although learning the
mechanics, and use of these tools are obviously necessary, building character
is the fundamental prescription to success, especially for us, because we are as a nation, are
so few in numbers, (Lack of talent pool, infrastructure, funding, etc.) we are
virtually on our own to make the most of what we have to work with. If this is the situation we are in, and it
is, then as coaches, teachers, parents and leaders, need to assess what is
really important and follow-through on these principles.
These principles are also about values. This will address
the issue of self-discovery and identity that defines why we play then
how we should play, which, in the end, is the underline key to ultimately
realizing one’s potential. It is the player’s character that determines his or
her potential as a player. This requires a fundamental change in attitudes,
approach, awareness and behaviors. For many, this is difficult and critical
stage for them to reach, a stage some experts in psychology believe that one’s
character is set by the time they are 10 years old and cannot be changed. But I
believe certain character flaws can and must be corrected if one is to realize
their full potential (I am Darwinian; adapt, change or die).
The philosophical direction or approach to coaching/teaching
programs must focus on personal development as the foundation for character
development, as well as physical and technical development. As an example, the primary reason why so many
public schools, organizations or families fail in this country (51% divorce rate)
is not because schools lack money or quality teachers, but character of the
organizations or institutions.
It’s the lack of nurturing, guidance, developing one’s
principles and values, not just in the home where the parents are the first
teachers associated with personal growth, but also this is lacking in schools
and institutions. In today’s fast paced world where there never seems to be
enough time or money to get what we want, everyone is looking for shortcuts,
immediate short-term results and use whatever means to justify the ends, invariably cycling back to blame and
conflict. Something that is subjective,
intangible and long-term as teaching of values and principles are neglected and
assumed it will take care of its self but, when expected results does not come
about, questioning and the blame cycle begins.
Too often, we play or compete for the wrong reasons then
wonder why we are not growing as a player or as an organization, and have the
constant feeling of discontent, and incompetence, which can lead to apathy and
departing from the sport. Moreover, this topic, why we play, applies
especially for those who knows something more than technical competence is
missing, that nagging feeling of incompleteness about themselves. This nagging
feeling, a sense of the sport not going anywhere and the stigma of
insignificance of our sport, is related to how we feel as a person associated
with the sport, where we are today and where we should be as a player, parents
of aspiring kids, coaches and officials or as an organization. This enforces the
belief that winning or making the team is the only way players feel competent
and worthy persons but actually, it handcuffs them as they will feel the need
to win to validate their worth. It becomes a vicious cycle, a setting where
they are never free.
Shakespeare said, “ we are all actors and the world is a
stage”. The statement embodies who and
what we are, some are great in any stage but poor in any setting, from Internet
psychos fermenting conflicts who obviously are missing some screws to genuine
people striving to succeed, living, playing free. This ability can be taught to a large extent
if the correct approach, principles and values are embraced.
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